Six years ago I was struggling in one of my leadership roles. I was serving as a Team Leader/Social Service Designee/Life Enhancement Coordinator at an innovative retirement community, and having a hard time.
Let’s just stop right there and address some of the remarkable things about the last sentence. First of all, you may have noticed that my title was a long, ridiculous mash-up of roles. If you aspire to lead, you will at times find yourself carrying the burden of multiple responsibilities and roles that are tenuously connected. Accepting that reality and mentally preparing for adaptation and creative application of your leadership style will position you for greater effectiveness. Also, we don’t tend to think of retirement communities as “innovative,” but this one was extremely cutting edge. The leaders I met there were some of the most dedicated and skilled that I have worked with in eighteen years of practicing leadership. If you aspire to lead, you will find amazing leaders in the most unexpected places.
I was responsible for leading a team of multi-disciplinary caregivers as we served fourteen older adults who were living in our nursing care household. I was in charge of the daily operations of this household. I was responsible for inviting our elders to participate in social events, book clubs, exercise groups, trips to the movies, football games, etc. I was responsible for making sure their personal needs were met by helping them manage their finances, medical needs, support systems, psychological wellness, and social interests. This is where I struggled—try as I might, at the end of every week I would find that I had neglected to call an elder’s optometrist for a replacement lens for a pair of glasses, or to call a family member back with a piece of information about their loved one’s health status, or to play checkers with one older gentlemen who found interaction with peers stressful. I felt horrible when someone’s genuine needs were neglected—I was responsible, and I was always disappointing someone.
I will never forget plodding into my social service mentor’s office and sinking low in my chair as we began our bi-weekly supervision meeting one Monday afternoon. I was understandably frustrated, embarrassed, and discouraged, and ashamed to admit my continuing failure to this veteran, high-powered social worker.
By the way, don’t let yourself be so ashamed of failure that you prevent
yourself from asking for wisdom from those veteran leaders who can help you the
most!
She listened to my confession and seeing my stuckness, she took action. With a no nonsense tone, she said, “Come here.” I obediently walked around her desk to face her. She placed a legal pad on the desk in front of me and put a pen in my hand. “Show me how you write down your social service tasks,” she said calmly. Taking the pen, I kneeled down behind her desk, wrote the date, and began listing items I needed to complete for my elders that day—“phone calls, emails, doctor’s visits, library runs, bank deposits, checker games…” I paused, my pen hovering over the list. Seeing my brain searching for missing items, she waited patiently. After a few moments I finally turned to her, “I know there is something missing, but I just can’t bring it to mind.” I put the pen down firmly on the desk in defeat. She smiled, reached for the legal pad, tore my list off the top, and set it next to the clean page. Then she picked up the pen and raised it towards me expectantly.
If you aspire to lead there will be times when you feel as if you are at a
dead end. When you are at a loss, pause a moment, gather yourself, get yourself
a new piece of paper, and pick up your pen again…
I took the pen from her hand. “Now,” she said, “which of your elders is right next to your office; the first one on the east side of the hallway?” I looked at the ceiling to envision entering the doorway and approaching the residents’ rooms. “John, “ I said. “OK, write ‘John’ at the top of the page. Now, what does John need today, and what does he need this week?” I began to write, “Well, John is still recovering from hip surgery, and seemed to be getting around better this morning. But he did say he will be done with his first round of post-surgery antibiotics on Thursday and I need to get him a refill. He seemed a bit down though, and I should spend some time visiting with him later to see if he’s tired or feeling some post-surgery blues. That reminds me that I should ask him when his next therapy session is. Oh, and I need to call his sister with an update, because she left a message for me Friday afternoon as I was leaving.” My pen was flying across the page and I paused in astonishment. My new list was already as long as my old list and I had only begun thinking about one resident! I turned to my mentor, my mouth still hanging open, and she chuckled. “I have found it effective to think in terms of ‘people’ rather than ‘tasks’, and it looks like it will be effective for you too. See you next week.”
If you aspire to lead, you will have moments of insight that will pop up
quickly. If you don’t hook on to them immediately, they tend to fade into the
busyness of your day as fast as they emerged. Good leaders identify their growth
moments, grab them with both hands, and wrestle them to the ground like a cowboy
roping a calf.
I walked out of her office; my mind newly opened, and realized that I had been given a whole new lens for approaching my work. By thinking through the people I was serving and interacting with, I was able to access the actions I needed to take. I walked back to my office, sat down, and completed my “people list”. By Friday afternoon I realized that I had finally met everyone’s needs.
Since then I have discovered that “relationship” is a mental model that serves me well as I lead. By understanding my leadership responsibilities/duties and then creating a list of the people I am in relationship with, I am able to conceptualize important tasks and create plans of action that enable me to serve people well. I invite you to try this out. Make a list of all of your key relationships this semester—professors, advisors, the students sharing leadership with you in organizations, key family members and friends, your leadership coach, etc. By considering the nature of your relationship with each person/group, and connecting relevant goals and responsibilities to those relationships, you can see how you must take action now and in the future.
Author:
Chris Ward, M.S., NCC
Group Facilitator, TeamQUEST
Doctoral Student, Counseling and Educational Development, UNCG
