I am a family man. I exercise my Leadership responsibilities first and foremost in my family. My bride and I have 5 children between the ages of 12 and 3. You can imagine that my home is an active one, with multiple pressing needs and (more often than not) opposing desires. Someone wants to go to the pool, while another wants to go to the park, someone won’t share, someone was here first! Often, after a long day, my bride and I are at our wits end. Is it even possible to balance the needs of each member of a family? Isn't that what leadership should be able to do- to facilitate a fair decision, one that brings a sense of balance?
“Balance” is one way to think about the practice of leadership. Like its synonyms “fairness” and “equality” it communicates a sense of right order and justice. I like order and I like justice. However, it has been my experience that if think of my Leadership role as one of restoring “balance,” I find I am typically left out of the picture until there is major disagreement and things are getting serious. Then, there are many voices competing for my support! It makes leadership being a referee, or a contest judge who must cast the decisive vote. It seems inevitable that some are going to get what they want and others are going to be disappointed. We cannot make everyone happy! To my children, the difficult decisions that I had to make rarely looks “balanced” and “fair,” and they let me know. I share their frustration and am tempted to despair and be resentful. So “Balance” as a goal of Leadership fails to serve me and my family well. It is too black and white in a world that is more often than not multiple shades of gray.
Instead of “balanced” or “fair” I have adopted the concept of Shalom to inform my Leadership. Shalom is a Hebrew word used by the Old Testament prophets and is typically translated into English as “peace.” But Shalom is something more than peace. A better translation is “flourishing.” Peace communicates the end of fighting. I certainly don't like my kids to fight. But sometimes peace is pursued rather reluctantly, more for the avoidance of mutual destruction. I find there is very little security and rest in such a peace, as it’s so tentative. It leaves me with a fear and dread that fighting will break out again at any moment, especially the moment I let down my guard. There is little joy in this kind of peace, only a tired resignation.
“Flourishing,” however, conveys the notion of working for the good, for the benefit, for the joy of each person, as an individual, and for the good of all. Instead of working to avoid mutual destruction, we pursue mutual delight. This is a much harder goal to communicate and strive for, but it has been my experience that the goal of Shalom helps me embrace, or “lean into,” my Leadership role. I want my children to experience joy. I want my family to flourish. And when I properly exercise Leadership skills, I contribute directly to their flourishing. I am slowly learning how to practice Shalom. It is my hope that casting a vision of Shalom will serve my children well. It is my hope that they will see their circumstances differently and “lean into” their relationships with their siblings, working for mutual joy.
Author:
Kevin R. McClain
Web & Technology Coordinator
The University of North Carolina at Greensboro (UNCG)
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